Waking up without the kids in the house still seems foreign to me. The house is quiet, I still get up before the sun and yet...taking a slow quiet morning just feels uncomfortable. I know it is something to enjoy, to relish in fact; that I can wake up slowly, make a coffee, shower, eat breakfast, read some news on the iPad and in fact not be a drill Sergeant to my children. Still, the quiet takes getting used to.
Yesterday, was quiet. The whole day. I'm a texting fiend and yet my phone was fairly inactive. Work was good, but again, mostly email based and communication with my clients and family was technology based...not a lot of person to person contact. In this time of quiet I did some reflection (shocking, I know!). The looming question of the day...where do I see myself in 6 months, a year, 5 years. Not the easiest of questions to answer with a lot of "unknown" still in my life, but I wanted to formulate a bit of a plan to set some goals, set some boundaries and quiet my cloudy mind.
This process isn't easy. Separating from someone who's been in your life so long; building new relationships with trust and patience (qualities I have lost sight of over the past few years); planning for a future you now have no idea about. Hard...but not impossible.
My short term view: 6 Months - 1 Year.
I see myself staying put. Not a lot of movement in the physical sense. I'd like to keep things stable for the kids over the next little while as they have had enough change in their lives. I see myself staying at work, love my job and the people I work with (which is pretty rare, these days). I see myself in healthy relationships with men and women. An equal division of give and take, love and friendship. I see myself happy, jumping out of a plane, running an extreme obstacle course...and laughing through it all. I want to scare myself just enough...and reward myself for the courage to take each step!
My long term view: 5 Years...
Most likely in the next 5 years I will move on from my current home and into something smaller. Matthew will be away at University (hopefully) and it will just be the Peanut and I at home, so we won't need such a big house. I see myself completing at least one major run/race a year (at the Olympic / half marathon distances), practicing yoga for the mind and body, being in a solid place. I also see myself in a serious relationship by then, one filled with open communication and support. I see myself more involved in the community as the commitment to my kids get smaller and smaller.
Quiet time...a time for reflection, to set achievable goals for myself. Of course, the quiet comes to an end the minute I get home and start blundering my way through dinner, homework and "snuggle" time with the kids. A little quiet is good...but I like the hustle and bustle of being a mom. A little of both everyday is great. I miss my kids when they aren't with me, but I am very appreciative of the opportunity now to focus energy on making myself better...while not losing who I am at the core.
T
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