Day 5 - A little More Happiness

The phrase "Time to move on" means very different things to different people.  To some, moving on means letting go of something you are holding onto tightly for the wrong reasons; for others it means someone is leaving you behind.  For me, moving on means a bunch of different things, but predominantly it is about moving onto something better.  Whether that is a person, place, feeling...whatever.  Its like a picture I have in my office:

 

This is what moving on means to me.  Yesterday was all about learning how to move on in the right way, for the right reasons.  I'm not trying to hurt anyone, there has been more than enough of that over the past year or more.  It's not about someone else at all...it's about me, doing something to change the answer of "No, I'm not happy".

So I started dating this spring...met a really great guy and we had an amazing summer.  I felt like I had to keep him secret a lot of the time.  Like being happy and "moving on" was hurtful to my ex.  It was only recently that I understood why.  People can be ignorant to what is happening in a situation and they feed the fires of pain and hurt by sticking their noses in where they don't belong.  I'm big on "sharing" via Facebook (I know, I know).  A lot of that is because my family isn't very close and it's really the only way they can see what is happening in my life.  I refrained from posting a lot of stuff about my summer relationship because I found out there were "friends" on Facebook that were reporting back to my ex everything I was doing.  That me being happy and posting that on Facebook was somehow disrespectful, hurting him.  So I had to hide my happiness.  It sucked, and to be honest probably played a part in that relationship ending and me questioning everything I had done from January to August.

Then I let myself become taken over by guilt, regret, anger, hurt...all the things no one wants in their lives.  These feelings had me in a toxic, downward spiral and actually pushed people who had been in my life for years away from me.  They couldn't help me fix it, it was a road (as lonely and painful as it seemed) I had to walk alone.  So I started looking inside to see what I really wanted out of life, what I really wanted in a relationship, what I needed to do to make MYSELF happy again.  It didn't take long to realize that in order to find happiness, I had to stop looking for it and make some for myself.  If my happiness is hurting someone else, I need to be cautious and aware, but I am ALLOWED to be happy.  I am ALLOWED to share that happiness with my friends and family.  I am ALLOWED to move on.  Watching someone you care about "move on" without you is awful.  It makes the anger inside that much stronger...but if you care about someone, shouldn't you want them to be happy?  Isn't their happiness about them and not you?  This is the first of many 2012 realizations!! So I made it my business to start...moving on for real! 

Moving on doesn't mean forgetting, doesn't mean leaving behind...it means being happy, enjoying life...and I think I can finally say...I'm moving on.

T

Breakfast: Egg White Omelet w/ Red Pepper, Spinach & Broccoli
Snack: Wild Blueberries
Lunch: 1/2 Cup Winter Root Vegetable Soup (So delicious, so filling!!)
Snack: 5 Corn/Quinoa Rice Cakes
Dinner: Veggies & Hummus (at the pub, no less!!)