Teenagers. Do you remember when we were all teenagers? Looking back on my teenage years, I guess I had it pretty good, but I gave my parents more than a few restless nights. I was part of the skids AND the preps, the school band AND a cheerleader. Bush parties in Ancaster, post football game gatherings after dark drinking Old Milwaukee beer from a can...introduction to many things very young (not all did I take part in, mind you); marijuana, sex, alcohol! Grown up stuff when you are still a kid...I hope and pray my kids make some better choices than I did!!
Looking at my son, who will start high school this fall, I wonder what teenage life has in store for him. So many things have changed, but I guess every generation says that about the one before. As a parent, entering the teenage years kind of scares the crap out of me. How do you get them to trust you with the important stuff? How do you make them feel safe enough to let you know when they have made a mistake?
Matthew got his braces on yesterday, so when he called today, saying that he was in pain and not feeling great, I came home early from work. The days of him "needing me" to take care of him will come to an end soon enough. On my way home, I got Popsicles, ice-cream, pudding, jello, stuff to make delicious protein shakes...yummy soft foods to help him get through the next few days of toothaches and gum ripping pain.
While we were home, watching movies, hanging out...I thought I would try to talk to him about where he is at. It began very innocently, "what's up", "How are your friends" and then we delved into the more serious "so have you tried smoking?", "Anyone ever offer you drugs". It was awkward, but at the same time, I think I made it more awkward than it needed to be. I tried being cool, like "its cool if you have, just want to talk about it", but it was still awkward. The very, very cool thing about my son is that he is so incredibly patient and sweet, he endured it. He even engaged, sharing stories from what he's "heard" at school. We spent a good hour talking about everything: sex, drugs, smoking, alcohol...no holds barred. I'm sure the discomfort I suffered was not nearly as intense as it was for him, but we got through it and were smiling in the end. I think the biggest success was setting up some boundaries for both of us about information. I won't pry, I will trust him...but he will also be as open and honest as he can be. We even set up a time once a week to catch up. Sunday mornings over breakfast or Sunday night over dinner. I included my nine-year-old in this as well, since knowing that girls will face a number of "adult" challenges before most boys.
I'm not naive. I know they won't tell me half of what will actually be happening in their lives, but if they can trust me enough to talk about SOME of the hard stuff, the stuff that will build character, teach them how to overcome challenges, deal with peer pressure and the rejection that inevitably comes around at some point...then I will have done my job right.
I grew up with great parents who allowed me to be myself, while putting down a strong fist when needed. I wasn't what you would call a bad kid, but I was in with a bad crowd and allowed myself to follow the leader a little too much. Thankfully, Matt has a solid group of GOOD kids that he hangs out with. All the same, I am working on instilling my kids with enough personal strength that they will not need to define themselves by what they DO with their friends, but more what they can DO on their own...what's right, what's important, what will make them the best people they can be. I look forward now to the challenges the next few years will bring. I think in the end it won't just be their character that is changing and growing, but mine as well.
T
Breakfast: McCann's Irish Oats w/ Blueberries
Snack: Cucumber & Red Pepper Slices
Lunch: Mixed Greens with Cauliflower salsa, California Chicken Salad
Aft Snack: Rice Cakes w/ Almond Butter
Dinner: Mixed Greens with Cauliflower Salsa, black bean salad w/ avocado dressing, 1/2 slice organic ham w/ pineapple glaze.
BAD SNACK: Half a package of Sour Blue Big Feet (I totally cheated today!!)
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