This morning I woke up very slowly. The house was quiet...too quiet. No kids, they were at their dad's. I knew that...but still something was eerily quiet about the house. Then I realized...the cat had not woken me up at 4am to let him out. Knowing that it was like -25'C outside last night, my heart dropped. Had I left him out there all night? I ran downstairs, flew on the outside lights and began calling for Copper. Immediately I hear his crazy cat cry. Was it coming from inside? I closed the door and called his name again...nothing. I opened up the outside door again, called out and there again, I heard a muffled cry. Then it hit me. When the teenager took out the garbage yesterday...he probably locked the cat in the shed! I threw on my coat and boots, ran to the shed and thankfully, the kitty was there, safe and sound, actually quite warm...only a little hungry.
It was like a little light went on. Sometimes we find ourselves trapped in a situation and we can't get out. No matter how hard we try, it seems the bolt is on and someone else has the key to escape. I look at my cat. He's a real tough cookie, but he was no worse for the wear after spending a night in the cold, dark shed. He found a way to stay warm and then when someone was able to come and rescue him, he called out.
I've felt trapped, so many times in the last year. Trapped inside a situation I made, but couldn't escape from. I have been waiting for someone to come and rescue me, but what I didn't realize, was that I actually hold the key. The whole time, I've had it! I haven't been trapped because someone put me in the shed, I have been trapped because I let myself believe there was no escape. My Ah-Ha moment of the day.
7:00am - While waking up, I had second thoughts of going to the gym, but after this little "kitty" induced epiphany, I threw on my workout gear, packed up my lunch and made my way to GoodLife! I was eager to "escape" the trapped feeling of tired. Now, once I got to the gym, I quickly realized that my lack of commitment to keep myself in good shape over the last few months was coming back to haunt me. I did a 20 minute Nike Training workout (Lean Machine for beginners) and thought I was going to die! My fatigue level was insane and I honestly thought I was going to toss last night's dinner. I slowed down, managed to get my sorry ass to the treadmill and finished my very short workout with a 10 minute run. As my friend Kat says, "you need to build back up...slowly". Indeed!!
9:00am - Got to the office. It was pretty quiet and I like arriving that way. If I get in a little later and the office is buzzing, it makes it a little more difficult to settle in. I made a nice bowl of Irish Oats w/ Frozen Blueberries (hearty and full of fibre and protein), then began the task of going through emails and getting into my work.
10:30am - Snack break. I've been smoking off and on again for a few months. Not something I am proud of, but something I do intend to rectify. I don't have a huge habit, but I find I am a stress eater and smoker. Since I've lost over 85lbs my first reaction is to protect the waistline and therefore the smoking came back after 8 years without it! My goal is to eliminate this where I can...don't smoke in front of my children or in the car or in the house or with most of my friends...so it's generally at work or when I'm bored and alone. I'm hoping this will pass, as it has before, once the serious workouts begin. When I came back in from the bitter cold, my cucumbers and red peppers were mighty tasty!
12:00pm - Instead of jumping into lunch, I decided to go for a walk to the bank. Again, its freaking freezing outside, but I knew the walk would be better than driving the 200 metres. Errands were done within about 20 minutes and I headed back to my desk for lunch. Leftovers from last night...very tasty.
The afternoon dragged on. I find when things get a little stagnant at work, the first thing I want to do is either run outside for a smoke or look for something to eat. Instead, today, I ramped up the make-work projects, escalated the calls/emails and generally found things to keep myself busy.
5:30pm - Getting home was good. Saw the kids. They really do amaze and inspire me to be better. Even with the little attitudes and snippy remarks, I really am quite proud of the people they are. My daughter had spent the day shopping with her Aunti and wanted to do a little fashion show. It was beyond adorable!! The teenager was "starving" so after the fashionista was finished showing off her new threads, I quickly got my son's "last supper", as he calls it, ready. Chili Cheese Dogs. He is getting his braces on tomorrow so he loaded up on candy, popcorn and a big ass hot dog with all the fixins on his last day without the metal in his mouth. My good friend Mel and her boys came over to have a nice evening with us. It's become a bit of a Wednesday night ritual. The kids all played downstairs while we sat upstairs, drinking coffee and talking about everything. From personal issues to shit going on in our world...it's always great talking with Mel!!
9:00pm - Sent the kids to bed and quickly followed to my own. The body was a little sore from the workout this morning. I snuggled into my bed and quickly faded to sleep (making sure Copper was indeed INSIDE the house and not stuck outside in the cold again).
Today was a good day. A successful day. When I was challenged I answered the challenge. Didn't allow myself the pleasure of sneaking in bad foods or worrying about trivial things. Clean mind. Its a lot easier to fall asleep knowing the weight of the world no longer rests on your shoulders, but is the solid thing beneath you, the ground under your feet, actually supporting you!
Cheers,
Tracy
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